Ben here;
I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately on what attributes do most successful people have in common. I think I’m quite close to uncovering their secret. The reason I’ve been thinking of this a lot is because of an activity I’ve been recently doing.
It goes something like this: I drive 24min to work each day, listening to the same thing on the radio, day after day. At the same time, I constantly complain about how I never have enough time to do productive things, for example; train more often, read more books, I also enjoy investing in the share market so I’d like to have more time to read annual reports and be able to research companies I’m interested in.
So what I’ve been doing the last week, which I have found to be both quite enjoyable and thought provoking, is to turn off the radio, turn on the voice memo app on my iPhone, and have a conversation with myself for 20min in the morning and then review my day in the afternoon.
Now I understand this sounds crazy, but I truly believe the most important relationship you have is with yourself. In order to release stress and tension, you need to admit your own mistakes to yourself, and also give advise to you. Ultimately, you know what’s best for you; stop surrendering that responsibility to someone else. Only you fully understand your situation.
This ‘technique’ or whatever you want to call it has lead to some very enlightening moments while also allowing me to have some deep and fundamental conversations. One of the most interesting outcomes was the fact I admitted to myself for the first time in my life that I’m glad I have CP. Now this has never happened ever!
The way I see it, is that if you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?
It’s also allowed me to analyse and get a deeper understanding of a few ideas and principles I’ve been researching lately.
This was applied directly to my current blog addiction. [EDIT: So far, I've written 8 articles in 6 days!]
I love jumping on a few of my favourite blogs to see if there are any new articles I can absorb myself in, early last week while I was on my lunch break I stumbled across an article:
www.tynan.com/bullshit (Excuse the language).
This article is unreal! It’s as if the blogger was talking directly to me! I realised that I waste so much of my day mindlessly scrolling and stalking people on Facebook that I never talk to. I’m always feeling sorry for myself because I never seem to accomplish anything in the day down to my addiction to Facebook. I think it’s because I’m hoping for another notification to pop up (which very rarely happens) or I might see someone post something interesting (also a rarity).
I find myself trying to think up cool quirky statuses, in the hope I’ll receive some sort of external reinforcement (in the form of likes or comments that will stroke my ego). It’s turned into a vicious cycle.
I’m finding that rather than taking the initiative & responsibility to improve my life and make me happy, I’ve been relinquishing this power to my Facebook friends. If I post a status and I get no likes or comments, it’s a great big dent in my ego. Since I’ve been having these deep thoughts, I’ve come to realise that I’m the only person that can make me happy and a success. I have to take the initiative; to become a better rounded person. A more ideal person.
I always find that I procrastinate if I need to do something that will ultimately benefit me, be it; studying for uni; delaying going into the gym; reading more books; meeting new people. When really the best time to improve my life is now! I’ve found, I’m sabotaging my own progress!
So for the past week I’ve cut my Facebook time by about 90%. I’m trying to read a lot more rather than watching the news on TV, which serves no purpose in making my life any better in the long-term (All that the news is doing for me, (be it in the morning or night), is undoing all the work I had put in to create a positive mental frame for myself, it’s all so negative!). No more!
I’m acting on the thoughts and my instincts straight away, rather than giving myself time to resist, I think that if I can make this shift in all my endeavors it should take me a step closer to being more ‘successful’.
Comments on: "Success, CP and the most important relationship in your life." (5)
Sounds like a great routine you’ve got yourself into.
You’ve achieved a few things in this move that are important there. You’re not as concerned about the opinion of other (and hopeful not my comments here) and are more interested in your own self worth. You’ve managed to be able to critically self reflect and productively draw on those reflections.
Those skills are not common to everyone; but as you noted in the opening, they are common to those who are successful. Some people would need a lot of help before they could reach the point you are at.
Back on the first point about the opinion of others, I care about the opinion of some people about some items, but not all. I like to use a few examples.
A pianist values the opinion of their audience about how he plays the piano. He doesn’t care for their opinion on other issues.
A sportsman values the opinion of the crowd on how he plays his sport, but not about his own life.
I value the opinion of my employer about my work, but not about many personal aspects of my life.
I value the opinion of my friends regarding who I am, but not about the size of my house or the job that I hold, or how fast I can run
It’s important to value the opinions of others, but don’t let your life be controlled by the opinion of others.
Thanks for the comment Brian I truly appreciate this honesty.
I’ve typed a half page reply and silly wordpress wiped what I’ve typed….
How does your opinion factor into the above examples? Do you value the others higher than your own in these situations?
Hi,
The most important appointments that you have are the ones you keep with yourself. If you don’t keep those, you tend to forget the appointments you have with others and feel guilty about it which is counter productive.
I sincerely hope you keep making your shift. You can do it.
Ciao,
Patricia
Thanks Patricia! One day at a time
-Ben
[...] If its not good for you, and you know that it goes against your ethical code, then you need to talk about that in a productive way with your partner, business colleague, or as my business partner Ben said; talk to yourself. [...]