Keeping this all raw and honest is hard but I would to be as transparent and attempt to take the ego out of the facts:
Ben here,
The last few months have been quite eventful (as such posting has been in a drought):
Everything is going great…. Great career progression, awesome social life, moved out of home, living with a great mate (Pynie) and cool people, good lifestyle, that’s exactly what I thought I wanted.
BANG
Shit hits the fan.
I can’t actually pin point what exactly happened… to paint the picture, currently I’m sitting at home writing a blog post with no job, been back home the majority of the past two weeks, seen an expensive psyschologist who told me I have depression my family is worrying about my wellbeing and me just plodding along wondering where to next. Just your average episode of ‘Home and Away”.
Oh yeah, I also broke down in front of my employers basically blaming my cerebral palsy for my inability to do my job…. What a cop out….
What happened?
Four months ago I resigned from my traineeship at council to move to the big city of Sydney.
Chris’s lease was running out and I felt the need to move out of home
I met with a long time friend and mentor for a job to further my career development and foster my passion for entrepreneurship and fascination for business.
Wins left, right and centre in my books.
My confidence was at an all time high!
KABOOM
Fast forward 4 months, it feels like I’ve hit proverbial rock bottom in a sense. I lost my drive to do anything , I guess you could call it a somewhat crossroads. I’m 21 but I feel like it’s slipping away.
It’s been a shit three weeks, I’d prefer to do nothing than anything productive, I know I’m blowing everything out of proportion. Everyone changes jobs, I get that. I had everything planned out: move to the city (tick), get a job (tick), train like a beast (tick) & live the good life (tick).
It was what i thought I wanted, running a successful business
As you can probably see my thoughts are extremely disjointed and I don’t know where to go at this point. It’s an interesting place to be at. Living without direction sucks. But I still have this idea that I’m going to be a successful entrepreneur, I want it soo much that failing or rather throwing in the towel at my last job has destroyed my titanium confidence that I cultivated over a years.
Can I handle the stress and pressure?
That’s when I look at jobs and question whether I’m up to it.
Moving forward this post is the first step to regaining my confidence, being honest with where I’m at, putting my values back in place, begin the search for a career I’ll be proud of, and start seriously preparing for our World Championship in Spain in July.
I’ll begin to use this great site to keep myself accountable, transparent and motivated.

Written
on January 31, 2013